I haven’t reached the bottom of the laundry basket in months. Some days I don’t even do laundry- I just can’t bring myself to do it everyday like everyone else.
My dishes always seem to be piled up no matter how many I wash.
I feel like my bedroom will always be full of unfolded clothes and never be organized.
Honestly, at this point, I’m not even sure how my house plants are still alive; they go days, weeks (Ok 10 days max) without being watered.
If my cat didn’t let me know when her bowl was empty, I’m not sure I would remember to fill it.
The constant pressure of having to have a clean home has distracted me away from playing with my kids daily- or so I believe. (Why do I have to keep the house clean? Why do I get anxiety when my home is messy? Why can’t I get past this?)
The television is constantly being used as a babysitter and I hate that, but I need it right now.
I don’t have the fridge and pantry stocked with food and snacks like I imagine a house with a stay-at-home mom would. I don’t have a closet full of laundry detergent, dish detergent, paper towels, and other items that I successfully couponed. Heck, I don’t even have a single roll of paper towels (I tell myself I’m saving the environment, but I know that’s not the reason).
My kids don’t have an organized system when it comes to putting away their clothes- it’s just an all around mess in their closets.
I’m an all around mess.
Why can’t I grasp this task that supposedly every other mother has figured out.
Is there something I’m missing?
I feel like I wasn’t meant for this job. I feel like I was placed into a job position that required 50 different training courses, but for some reason, I didn’t receive them.
I can’t even tell if I’m enjoying this. Yesterday, my fiancé asked me “Do you even like being a stay-at-home mom?” And it took me a minute to answer because I realized I had no idea my feelings towards it. Eventually, I responded with the typical mother answer “I like being with my kids all day long and watching them grow.”
However, I also added “sometimes I hate it. Sometimes it’s the worst. But sometimes it’s ok. On good days, it’s not so bad.” And that’s the honest truth of it all.
I keep telling myself it’ll get easier once the kids are a little bit older and I hate when I do that. I hate when I wish time away like that.
I’m not ready for them to get older yet, and I hate that I sometimes forget just how not ready I am.
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Plus, does it even get easier? I feel like it just keeps getting HARDER.
There are stay-at-home moms out there that have it figured out. They have a schedule, not only for their kids, but for themselves as well, and they wake up (wait for it) ONE hour before their kids do so they can drink coffee in peace and get some things done. I WISH I could do that. I wish I was like these other moms.
But I’m not. I’m the total opposite. I sleep until the first one wakes up, and then I get distracted for about an hour on my way to make The coffee. It’s just- like I said- a mess. Catastrophe.
I can barely take my kids down the street to go to the park because just the thought of getting them both ready to leave the house stresses me out.
I don’t have perfect little lunches planned out for my kids and finding something to make for dinner is always a struggle.
Don’t get me wrong, I do love being at home with my babies. I just don’t feel like I’m doing a great job at this SAHM thing. There’s just not enough time in the day to get everything done.
I don’t know.
Maybe it’ll be easier when they get older (haha just kidding!)
But until then, I’ll just keep trying my hardest to make this work. I know my babies and fiancé appreciate all that I do, so maybe that’s all that matters?
I mean, it’s the thought that counts, right?
