Every day I wake up more tired than I was the day before. And everyday I tell myself I’m going to go to bed earlier. But I never do, and probably never will.
Does staying up late make me tired all day long? Yes, I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t tired.
But an extra hour or two of sleep isn’t going to make me any less tired.
No matter what time I go to bed, I’m still going to have to wake up periodically throughout the night with- not one, but two- kids.
You see, my “me time” is from the moment my kids fall asleep to the moment my eyes shut for the night. It’s not a lot of time, but it’s MY time.
My time to catch up on TV (lets be honest- 99% of the time I’m re-watching The Office and Parks and Recreation).
My time to shower without any interruptions.
My time where nobody is whining, or telling me they need this or that.
My time where I’m not being thrown up on or jumped on.
My time to eat dinner if I didn’t have time before.
My time to check social media. And yeah, sometimes that turns into a 2 hour Facebook and Instagram scroll- so what?
My time to add a bunch of items to my cart on amazon, with no intentions of buying anything.
My time to eat all of the snacks I hide from my kids.
My time to go through all of the photos I have ever taken of my children and awe over how much I love them.
My time to pretend I can stay up for just one more episode.
My time to do anything but parent + clean.
Yeah, you read that right. No cleaning is done after my kids go to bed. I refuse to do it.
Any cleaning that I need to do for the day gets done during the day.
“Isn’t it impossible to clean when your kids are there?” Yep. But guess what? I don’t care. I still try and try and try to clean as much as I can throughout the day. Sometimes even all day long, and it’s so worth those few short hours at the end of the day.
But why is this “me time” so important?
You hear many mothers talking about how they need me time and go out with their friends or hire a babysitter for a few hours.
That’s not this. In my opinion, there are multiple types of me time.
And this type is different than all the others. Maybe even the most important.
These three or four hours every night are what keeps me going. I look forward to 8pm every day. I literally count down the hours.
I need this time to unwind- to be alone.
Sometimes I can see my fiancé’s frustration when I don’t want to snuggle on the couch or even lay by him after not seeing each other all day. It’s not because I don’t love him or didn’t miss him, it’s just because I need to be by myself. And to just be able to use up the whole couch and not have to share it with two kids or a grown man (however, no matter how hard I try, our cat will always be on my lap). And sometimes (all the time) I can see his mouth tighten when I’m not immediately getting off the couch to deal with a cry coming from somebody’s room (I need a minute, okay?).
It’s almost like once 8pm hits, I’m off “duty.” And while I know that’s not true at all because in a few short hours or less I will have to force my attention to one of my kids, it makes me feel relaxed.
It’s almost as if for those few hours I’m me again. Like the me-before-kids.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids and by no means am I saying that I want to be the me before them over who they made me into now. But sometimes a little piece of me misses her– the old me. So, during this time, I’m somewhat able to remember who she was.
I know it’s important to get at least 8 hours of sleep, blah blah blah.
I don’t care about any of that. The only thing I care about is getting my me time.
I’ll deal with everything else in the morning like usual.
With four cups of coffee and two doses of aspirin.
Ta-ta for now!
